If you’ve been cheated on, you will probably agree that it is one of the most difficult emotional pain that you have ever experienced. No one is prepared for or can predict the intensity of pain that it puts you through. If you’ve been cheated on, there are 4 steps that you can take to have the best chance of healing your marriage after infidelity.
The first step in order to heal your marriage is to create initial trust. To bring back and restore the trust there are four things that you need to do right off the gate.
The first thing is to have your wife send a message to the other person letting them know they are not to contact them in any way. Many spouses will lie and say they sent the message when they didn’t, so it is important to witness them sending the message or making the phone call.
The second thing is to get full access to your spouse’s telephone, email, and online accounts because you want to make sure that the relationship is not continuing.
The third thing is disclosure. The number one complaint that men have is about the obsessions they have in their mind about what their wife did with the other man. If this is you, you need to get your questions answered. If she gives you resistance then that is a red flag that you both are going to have some hard times healing the marriage.
The fourth thing as far as establishing initial trust is the emotional dimension where your wife needs to show intense remorse for her betrayal. If she doesn’t then there is always going to be a part of you that is going to feel like she doesn’t feel bad enough about what she did and that can be really hard to get past.
The second step to heal your marriage is to establish agreed-upon boundaries about what is okay and what is not okay as far as behavior in the marriage. There is a couple of different areas for boundaries such as social media, eating & drinking alcohol in mixed company, as well general conversations with the opposite sex. It’s important that both of you, together, agree on these boundaries.
The third step to heal your marriage after infidelity is to reestablish the emotional connection. Often when a woman is unhappy in her marriage, she is not getting her emotional needs met.
One way that we can meet the emotional needs of our spouse is to make her feel appreciated. In many long-term relationships you begin to take each other for granted and both partners start to feel unappreciated. Let her know you care and appreciate her by doing a nice gesture, such as getting her flowers for no reason.
Another way to restore the emotional connection is to avoid a common mistake that some men make which is what I call the good husband trap which is where your intention is good, but you actually try too hard to keep your wife happy. In an ideal situation each partner should work about as hard as the other on the relationship and if there is a lack of balance in the relationship then that increases the chance that someone is going to cheat.
The fourth and final step to healing your marriage is to reestablish the sexual connection. It’s very important that you communicate your needs to your wife so that she has a chance to meet them. You also have to have a desire to meet your wife’s needs. A lot of people, both men and women, have issues about communicating about sex. If you are not able to have an honest discussion about sex with your partner then it is going to be very hard to be able to know what she wants and needs to be sexually satisfied. If she is not sexually satisfied this can be a factor that can lead to an affair.
Once you have all four factors in place, you will be in a position to best heal your marriage after infidelity.