It is humiliating to find out that your husband is having an affair. It is also embarrassing and the complete ordeal takes your emotions through a roller-coaster. There are different decisions you as the wife have to make when you are in this precarious position.
First and foremost, if your husband is sorry, and wants to reconcile, you must decide do you really want him back. I believe that marriages can indeed survive infidelity. If you choose to accept him back then you may have to contend with another woman.
Men cheat for a number of reasons; competition, excitement, selfishness, you name it, there is an excuse for it. Although this is a topic for another article, it is very important for you to consider how you contributed to this situation. It is never acceptable to blame the wife for a husbands cheating. I only point out that relationships involve two parties and when there is a breakdown, it involves both of those parties. Counseling and repair are crucial to overcoming an affair.
If you decide that taking your husband back is a good decision, prepare to confront the other woman. Ultimately it is your husbands responsibility to officially break it off. This should preferably be done before he returns and the two of you decide to reconcile. You should never have to contact her. In extreme cases, the Fatal Attraction situations, the other woman, may not want to end the relationship with your husband.
She may continue to call and text your husband regularly, begging that he reconsider or take her back. Again, it’s very important that your husband set clear boundaries. Fight the urge to interfere or take over for your husband. It is extremely difficult when your husband’s phone is going off at dinner and it is the other woman. You may want to answer it and give her a piece of your mind. Don’t. This never goes well. It descends into a match up between you and the woman he left you for.
It is important to remember that she is not primarily at fault. Many women with low self-esteem find it difficult to rebuff the advances of a man who shows an interest them. That was your husband. Now that your marriage is in recovery, he must still deal with the other woman and not put undue pressure on you by allowing her to be disrespectful.
A few suggestions;
Continued open honesty helps in dealing with issues like phone calls, emails and text messages. If he is still secretive about sharing communication attempts by the other woman. That is a serious red flag. You need to rebuild the trust that he broke, which means he can’t hide what’s being communicated to him. On the other hand, it is also important for you not to obsess about his phone and email.
Consider canceling accounts and changing phone numbers. This is not convenient, but it does the trick in breaking the other woman’s access to your husband.
If things get violent or creepy don’t be afraid to involve the authorities. No one has the right to harass you or your family. Relationships end and hearts mend. The other woman does not have carte blanche to bother your family just because she doesn’t want to move on. If your husbands boundary settings are not working and the other woman is crossing the line, a restraining order or complaint tends to set her straight.